Redefining Success as a Human Design Projector
Success looks different for everyone - it’s up to us to carve our own paths
About two years ago, I started to shift my definition of what success means to me.
For us Projectors, success is our “signature”: Our indication that we are on the right track in life. I used to feel somewhat guilty for craving success in the way I always have, but learning I am a Projector helped to make sense of this tendency within me. Projectors are designed to be successful when we apply our Strategy and Authority, honour our energy levels, and align our will with divine will/source energy. Doing the opposite of this - running off in a thousand directions, trying to do too much, trying to go against the way energy naturally wants to flow to and through us - creates a kind of “bitterness” in our energy field. In other words, when a Projector is on the right track they will feel successful (whatever that means to them as an individual!) and when they are off track and going against their true nature, they will feel bitter and/or just plain exhausted.
Two years ago, my definition of success was largely tied up in athletic performance. Success to me was how fast and/or far I could run (during the warmer months) or ski (during the colder months). In the arena of athletics, I received ample recognition for my gifts and experienced feelings of success frequently in both training and races. Standing on a podium in a race I had worked hard to perform well at felt successful, as did feeling strong during a training session or hitting a time I wanted to hit on a certain route.
For most of my life, my definition of success was athletic achievement, whether that was in a race/game setting or simply feeling really good and strong during training.
So two years ago, right around the start of my Saturn Return, I competed in my last race of the ski mountaineering season. It had been a season that felt quite successful for me: I had qualified for and competed at the World Championships, which had been a big goal of mine. I had also podiumed at several races on the Canadian national circuit, improved my times a lot, had lots of big training days, and spent lots of time having a blast skiing in the mountains (while at the same time working on my Master’s degree). At that moment in time, this life I was living felt like the ultimate version of success. Yet even then, at the pinnacle of it all, I felt deep inside that it was the end of an era. I knew that I would never again be 29 years old, whooping it up on skis most days of the week, tearing up and down mountains and calling that a successful life. I could feel that change was just around the corner - that I was about to be called to something entirely different.
And indeed, after that final race of the season in March 2019, I started to have some pretty bizarre intrusive thoughts. What kept popping into my head the week after that last race was “I want to die, I want to die, I want to die” over and over again. This was alarming for me at first, but I soon realized that I did not actually want to die: Instead, I was entering a huge transition phase of life (my Saturn Return) where, indeed, one version of my Self was ready to die! I talked about this in a previous blog post (Why your 20s May Have Felt Insane), but to summarize briefly: As someone with a “6” in my profile (I’m a 6/2), I have three very distinct phases of life: birth-30, 30-50, and 50-death. Two years ago, at the beginning of my Saturn Return, my soul recognized that I was ready to start shedding/evolving from the 0-30 version. With open arms, as I felt my previous identity and version of “success” crumbling around me, I asked “Ok, what next?”
And on the long drive back home from that race I got a hint of an answer. I downloaded a few podcasts to listen to on the drive and one of them was about Human Design. This was my first time hearing about Human Design and I was instantly captivated. As soon as I got home, I ran to look up my chart and saw for the first time that I am a Projector. Based on what I learned on the podcast, I was expecting to be a Manifesting Generator (But I’m so active and athletic! I do all of the things! I am such an energizer bunny! I must be an MG!). But when I saw my chart for the first time, it was like something unlocked inside of me. It was like a key to unlocking some dormant truth that I had always felt but had never quite understood. It was a feeling of “OMG finally… finally I have permission just to be myself.”
After this moment of relief, things got kind of hard. Looking at my Human Design chart was like giving myself permission to really feel into my body for the first time in a very, very long time. And what I felt was deep, deep exhaustion in my body/mind/heart/soul. I was SO tired. I almost instantly lost all motivation for all things training and racing (my body lost motivation… my mind and ego clung to wanting/needing to train for about a year afterward! The mind is always a little slow on the uptake and that’s why it should never be used as an Authority over our lives). Projects and goals that had previously been so exciting to me lost all meaning. I remember saying “If you were to put me on the start line of a race right now, I would just turn around and walk away.” This was hugely “uncharacteristic” for me - I had been motivated by racing and competing in that way since I was 11 years old. It felt very disorienting, but at the same time, I knew deep inside that it was 100% the right thing.
Having Human Design as a tool for understanding WTF was happening to me has been an absolutely tremendous gift these last two years. Without an understanding of my energy type, authority, profile, Saturn Return, etc., I honestly don’t know what I would have done. I am so grateful that these tools and knowledge came into my life when they did, and that I now have the opportunity to share them with others.
Weooo let’s do all of the things!! Oh wait….. Shit….. I’m actually a Projector and all of the things make me really frikkin tired.
So where does that leave me now? What’s my definitely of success today?
Well, two years after this break down/break through, my life looks entirely different. I have not competed in a race of any kind since that last ski mountaineering race in March 2019. I have not trained hard, ran any PBs, summited any particularly impressive mountains or done any super long routes. Because doing that stuff at that level of intensity is just not important to me anymore - and worse, it was harming my body (This is another tale for another time - trying to keep this as a blog post, not a novel). Note that this was not an easy transition by any stretch of the imagination! Like I said, while my body and soul were completely on board with giving up training and racing, it took my mind and ego much, much longer to relinquish their hold on what had previously been a very important part of my life. Even today, I catch thoughts and or energy in my field of: “You’re not doing enough” or “You’re too young to give up on racing now! You could still be fast!” or “Your life doesn’t matter without athletic achievement.” I let these energies be there, I feel into them, and then I feel beyond them. I feel into what I really need and desire, at the level of my soul. And I’m not saying I will never race again - if one day I wake up and feel with every fibre of my being that yes, that’s what I want to do, I would go out and do it. What I will never do again is sacrifice my well-being for recognition and “success” (because I’ve learned that’s not the truest, most pure form of Projector success at all! True success flows naturally and feels good on mental/physical/emotional/spiritual levels).
All that to say: Success for me today is feeling good in my body and soul every day. It’s knowing that I am worthy of unconditional love no matter what I achieve. It’s finding a balance between activity + rest that feels good for me. It’s doing sport and physical activity for fun, enjoyment, flow, time in nature, feeling strong, feeling clear, etc. It’s being courageous enough to start this business even though I knew I would be misunderstood by most of the people in my life. It’s fearlessly listening to the voice of my soul while gently accepting and nurturing the voice of my ego. It’s sharing my passion, wisdom, knowledge, and guidance with those who feel called to work with me.
It’s letting energy flow to and through me in ways that feel natural and ease-filled.
It’s aligning with my true nature.
Success, by this new definition, is a state of being that emerges naturally from living life in a very Projector-y way :)
Success now = feeling relaxed, ease-filled, in-joy, bravely stepping into my true nature, following the path of my soul over the voice of my ego, sharing with and guiding those who feel called to enter my field.
With infinite respect for the incredible BE-ing that you are, may we each have the courage to trace our own paths in this world with bravery, ease, pure love, and joy.
If you’re currently going through a big life transition, questioning what steps to take, feeling lost, or wondering what your strengths are, a Human Design Reading could be for you.
If you are a current or former athlete wondering how to move your body in a healthier, more aligned way, a Movement Consultation or the Made to Move Guidebook could be for you.
If you are completely new to Human Design and would like to access my free resources, you can look up your chart for free here and download my free Intro to Human Design Guidebook here.